Sponge bath it is.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
