Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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