she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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