Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
