GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
