I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
