i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
