just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
