I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
