im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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