One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
