I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All the doctor said was why
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
