he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
