Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize