I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize