i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
