Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
