I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
