I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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