Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
