careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize