it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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