Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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