i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
