'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
