She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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