Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
