I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
