sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
