when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
