My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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