God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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