Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize