Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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