I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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