apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize