why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
