My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize