i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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