She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize