Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
