Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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