i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
