38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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