CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize