i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
