My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
