even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
