the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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