Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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