My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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