you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
