Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
