weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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