New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
