i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
