Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
