shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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