and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I currently don't understand fingers.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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