dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
