Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Couch. On fire.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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