I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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