Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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