he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
