Whod you bang
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
