don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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