I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
