i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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